Who is in Billionaire Pedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s Little Black Book?

If you’ve never heard of Jeffrey Epstein, he’s a hedge fund manager who likes to have sex with children, something that wouldn’t be particularly big news if Epstein didn’t “give rides” to some very famous people.

Epstein was arrested for trafficking underaged girls and Gawker got a hold of his “little black book” with the names and numbers of all his “associates.”

Now, keep in mind that there’s no way to know why these people are in here or why some of them, like President Donald Trump are circled while others, like President Bill Clinton, who flew on Epstein’s plane over 20 times, aren’t. But let’s get into it.

Match Game host Stupid Alec was so stupid. How stupid was he? He was so stupid that he used to hang out with a guy who blanks little girls.

I don’t have clever jokes like that for everyone in the book but come on, how often does that opportunity come up?

Did you like the Rush Hour movies? I did. There probably aren’t going to be anymore because Chris Tucker is in there.

Courtney Love was in there, as was Charlie Rose, which is no surprise. Ralph Fiennes, too. Also Alan Dershowitz, lawyer to the stars, and O.J. Simpson.

And let’s hope for David Blaine’s sake he didn’t make anything disappear on Epstein’s private child rape airplane.

And oh, the politicians. I mentioned Presidents Clinton and Trump, but former British Prime Minister Tony Blair was in the book, too. As was Prince Andrew. Man, maybe we can abolish the royal family for good now. Also, basically every Kennedy. Well, the living ones. But even 91-year-old Ethel Kennedy is in there. Epstein seems like a good fit for the Kennedy family, honestly.

That’s most everyone interesting. Jimmy Buffett was in there but who cares about Jimmy Buffett?