Not Wanting to be Out-Crazied by Elon Musk, Donald Trump Suggests Nuking Hurricanes

Once upon a time, The Simpsons was good. I know it’s hard to believe when you see the kind of thing they think passes for funny heading into season 30.

That was so bad I think it gave me cancer! Wait, wrong Matt Groening show that was funnier in the early seasons.

Anyway, in a notable episode when the show was still funny, Lisa develops a crush on Nelson and starts hanging out with him. When he shows her his house, he has a “Nuke the Whales” poster in his room and when questioned on it, he says “Gotta nuke somethin’.”

This appears to be a growing opinion amongst the people who are supposed to be our best and brightest, but are actually just rich and stupid. First, Elon Musk hatched a scheme to nuke Mars, which he thinks will make it habitable but that I’m pretty sure will only create SpaceGodzilla.

Now Donald Trump, who is inexplicably actually the President of the United States, that really happened, it wasn’t some kind of unbelievable fever dream, wants to nuke hurricanes. That really happened, too, as reported by politics blog Axios.

During one hurricane briefing at the White House, Trump said, “I got it. I got it. Why don’t we nuke them?” according to one source who was there. “They start forming off the coast of Africa, as they’re moving across the Atlantic, we drop a bomb inside the eye of the hurricane and it disrupts it. Why can’t we do that?” the source added, paraphrasing the president’s remarks.

I mean, I’m with him on this one. Sure, so-called “atmospheric scientists” may claim that a nuclear blast wouldn’t stop a hurricane and may cause a nuclear winter, but they’re probably just pussies. We need to show those spinning fucks that mankind rules and extreme weather events can suck a dick.

Oh, and cyclones, don’t think we forgot about your backwards-spinning asses. You don’t want to rotate counter-clockwise like a decent storm system? Well, then you can just get nuked.