I want to start this article by saying I’m sure Katherine Schwarzenegger is a lovely person and she’s married to Chris Pratt, who is basically Tom Hanks’ eternal rival for “nicest guy in Hollywood.” I say that because I’m about to be very mean to her and her extended family. Mostly her extended family, there’s just so many soft targets. But it’s a really slow news day.
Katherine Schwarzenegger recently posted some lovely headshots to Instagram. She’s very pretty.
This is pretty basic celebrity stuff. Also pretty basic celebrity stuff is dealing with mean comments online. What you don’t want to do is be a petty baby about it, because that’s the sort of thing a crazy person does. Literally. I once got a very angry comment from Margot Kidder like, six months before she died because I made an off-handed joke about her in an article and now all I can think about her is how that poor woman spent her last days looking at Google alerts for her own name going “I’ll show this son of a bitch who’s crazy.” You don’t want that to be your legacy. She was Lois Lane for Christ’s sake, I love that movie.
Because Instagram comments are a complete nightmare, I’m going to quote what happened next, a mean comment and Schwarzenegger’s reply, from Page Six.
“Remember when the Kennedys used to, like, do stuff for society? This one just posts extremely polished selfies that try too hard and look like they take hours to put together and talks about makeup. I guess ya gotta #stayrelevant,” the user wrote, as captured by Comments by Celebs.
Schwarzenegger, who is the granddaughter of Eunice Kennedy Shriver and Sargent Shriver, clapped back: “Took the above picture after submitting my final draft of my fourth book (coming soon) and on my way to doing an interview on behalf of shelter animals (my cause of choice) god bless.”
Nothing says “I am busy doing important things” like replying to mean comments on Instagram, honey. This is like one step from Donald Trump replying to people saying he’s stupid (he is) by saying “I have the best words.”
He has a point about the Kennedys, though, they have seriously gone downhill. John Kennedy was an inspiration to an entire nation, he banged Marilyn Monroe and he had a super-hot, husky-voiced wife. His nephew Robert Kennedy Jr is one of the world’s leading anti-vaxxers and his daughter Caroline had to abort a run for office after she appeared to be only slightly more coherent than Joe Biden.
Literally every Kennedy who was even slightly worthwhile died young. It’s like if Michael died in the war and Sonny still bit it at the toll booth and we’re left with a family full of Fredos.
I mean, at the end of the day, everyone gets mad on social media from time to time, but it’s not a great look when you’re a celebrity, because people like me will make fun of you. You know, unless something more interesting happened. So try to time your social media posts with when Kanye West does something outrageously dumb. So most days.