Wait Until You Hear the Dumbass Reason Felicity Huffman Agreed to the College Admissions Scam

It looks like Felicity Huffman is going to jail for about a month or so as part of her plea deal in the college admissions scandal. William H. Macy was smart enough not to sign his name to any checks with “for crimes” on the memo line, though, so he has managed to avoid all charges.

Huffman is trying to avoid a prison sentence, asking for community service and a fine, which seems fair to me. If she does go to prison, though, it’s going to be because the judge thinks she’s so stupid she needs to be removed from the general population. And I say that because the LA Times reported Huffman’s reasoning for taking part in the scheme. 

In her letter, Huffman said she had panicked, having come to believe her daughter’s low math scores on the SAT would hamstring her dreams of becoming an actress.

An actress! Her SAT scores would prevent her from being an actress! She thought her daughter needed better SAT scores to do the job that Lindsay Lohan does and does well. Okay, maybe not well, but she’s got nice tits and that’s basically 75% of being an actress.

How many times have you gone to an audition for a movie only to lose out because of the word problems in the written portion of the audition. Yeah, zero.

Stupidity seems to be the common denominator in these college admissions scams, and not the stupidity of the kids. It’s insanely easy to bribe your kid’s way into college; just ask Doctor Dre.

All these people had to do was write a big-ass check to whatever university their idiot kid wants to go to. You’re telling me William H. Macy doesn’t have enough money to build a new stage or whatever at whatever acting college his daughter wants to go to? The family didn’t reveal the name of the college their daughter Sophia Macy wanted to go to, but I do know two things about it: they don’t look at SAT scores and they cancelled her audition in light of the scandal.

This is where we are, then; Felicity Huffman paid $15,000 to a conman to get her daughter’s SAT score changed because she was worried that the daughter she had with William H. Macy would have trouble getting into an acting college that doesn’t use SAT scores as a criteria. That is honestly the kind of poor judgement that maybe you should go to jail for.

But the biggest question is why is she going to college in the first place? Even an acting college. Just hire her an acting coach if she needs it and have her walk into CAA and say “Hi, I’m William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman’s hot, thin daughter.” She’ll be the dumb, slutty, older daughter on some middlebrow CBS sitcom by the end of the week.

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