Matt Lauer Really Wanted Pippa Middleton on ‘Today’, Definitely for Non-Creepy Reasons

This story is not going to surprise anyone given what we know about Pippa Middleton and Matt Lauer today, which is to say Pippa has an amazing ass and Matt Lauer has been accused of doing a bunch of rapes.

How do these two things relate? Well, Page Six reported that Matt Lauer really wanted to hire Pippa to be on Today.

Lauer even shut down his favorite restaurant, Donohue’s Steak House on the Upper East Side, to host a dinner for the future queen’s sister, whose regal derrière became the unwitting star of Kate’s royal wedding to Prince William in 2011.

Pippa was accompanied by her publicist at the time, former UK newspaper editor Simon Kelner, alongside senior “Today” staffers, including former “Today” executive producer Don Nash, who thought it would be a good idea to hire her.

He really rolled out the red carpet. What attribute could Middleton have that made Lauer so insistent on hiring her.

“Pippa wasn’t comfortable with any of it. Buckingham Palace was putting her under tremendous pressure not to go forward or cause any embarrassment to her sister. Matt and Pippa were never alone, and she wasn’t really interested in the job, but nevertheless NBC staffers were nervous about Matt’s interest in Pippa.”

Can you imagine if Matt Lauer had trapped the sister-in-law of the future King of England in his office with the rape button on his desk? He could have single-handedly started another war with England by trying to stick his dick in the world’s finest ass without consent.

Like, can you imagine this being taught in high school in the future? “So World War I was caused by the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand and World War III was caused by a morning show dipshit pushing one up the Queen’s sister while she was trapped in his good buttfucking stockades.”