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Antonio Brown Had a Literal Bag of Dicks for Police

Antonio Brown is sort of having a time right now. When I say a time, I mean the man is out of his god damned mind. Let’s recap what he’s been up to lately; he has sex in front of his employees, he melted down on Twitter, he made the worst rap single since Vanilla Ice was in the game, he’s fighting with Logan Paul and let’s not forget he’s accused of rape.

Now TMZ reports he’s throwing around bags of dicks at cops. Seriously.

What happened was Brown called the cops on the mother of children who had come to his house to pick up their kids because he claimed she tried to steal one of his cars. And then came the dicks.

During the end of the exchange, Brown grabs a bag of gummy candies (shaped like penises) and throws them into the street in Chelsie’s direction … screaming at her to have a “bag of dicks.”

All the while, AB is screaming insults at her … “Take that fish-looking bitch to jail.”

He did not just have that lying around. You have to buy a bag of penis shaped gummy bears with some intent to give them to someone as a go fuck yourself. It isn’t the sort of thing where “Oh, I just happen to have this bag of dicks in my pocket when I’m having this argument, what a stroke of good luck for me.”

There is a theory as to why AB is like this when he basically had no real discipline problems when he was on the Steelers for the better part of a decade, until his last few seasons with the team. I’m calling this the Vontaze Burfict theory.

I’m not a doctor, so I can’t say if any of this is even remotely true, but here’s the theory. In 2016, Vontaze Burfict laid an incredibly brutal hit on Brown. It was intentional, it was dirty, it was flagrant… just watch.

And people have been noting that this is when Brown’s behavior started to get… let’s say weird. If you get hit in the head hard enough to be knocked unconscious, then yeah, there’s definitely a chance of brain damage like CTE. Just a single concussion increases your chances of these sorts of issues, and they do tend to cause behavior changes. I can’t say for sure that’s what happened here, but it’s a pretty popular theory and it makes sense.

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