Jussie Smollett Indicted Over Totally Real Attack That Actually Happened

Remember when Jussie Smollett was attacked by a couple of Donald Trump supporters who recognized him from Empire and attacked him for being black and gay? That thing that absolutely did happen and was absolutely not staged by him in order to get himself some more attention and maybe a pay raise or a nice new gig once Empire goes off the air.

It’s weird, then, that Jussie Smollett was indicted on six counts of disorderly conduct in Chicago relating to this incident. All six counts allege that Smollett lied to a police officer when he filed his report claiming he was attacked.

Now, if you don’t know how a grand jury works, I will explain it to you. The prosecutor goes to the grand jury, shows them the evidence he has and says “I would like like to charge this person with these crimes based on this evidence.” The grand jury then reviews the evidence and says “You may charge this person with these crimes,” because grand juries in the United States have a 99% indictment rate, it’s essentially a rubber stamp.

Fox 32 Chicago reported that Smollett’s defense made the following statement.

This indictment raises serious questions about the integrity of the investigation that led to the renewed charges against Mr. Smollett, not the least of which is the use of the same CPD detectives who were part of the original investigation into the attack on Mr. Smollett to conduct the current investigation, despite Mr. Smollett’s pending civil claims against the City of Chicago and CPD officers for malicious prosecution.  One of the two witnesses who testified before the grand jury is the very same detective Mr. Smollett is currently suing for his role in the initial prosecution of him. After more than five months of investigation, the Office of the Special Prosecutor has not found any evidence of wrongdoing whatsoever related to the dismissal of the charges against Mr. Smollett.  Rather, the charges were appropriately dismissed the first time because they were not supported by the evidence.  The attempt to re-prosecute Mr. Smollett one year later on the eve of the Cook County State’s Attorney election is clearly all about politics not justice.

Jussie is really going down with his “I was really attacked, this actually happened to me“ boat despite the fact that we all saw it hit the “no it fucking didn’t, dude” iceberg. I just feel like he’s calling me an idiot every time opens his mouth, like when O.J. Simpson said he was looking for the real killer or when Dick Cheney said we’d be greeted as liberators in Iraq.