ESC

‘Cats’ Fans Demand to See the Butthole Cut

If you have a cat, you’ll know that they are sinful creatures with no shame who just walk around with their buttholes exposed all day. They also like to stretch when they’re getting on your lap and put that thing right in your face. It’s not great, folks.

The producers of the movie Cats apparently took this to heart, initially, and decided to give all their disturbing CGI-human hybrids CGI buttholes as if that film wasn’t horny enough.

How do we know this? They hired someone just to edit all of those buttholes out later in production.

I wish I could be in the meeting where the producers of this film made this call. I want to hear the discussion that led to this film digitally adding and then removing buttholes from all the cats. You know there were meetings about this. Probably all-hands meetings. Countless internal screenings of the film with and without buttholes.

Of course the citizens of the Internet immediately started demanding the release of the “butthole cut” of the film.

You know your friend who got weirdly obsessed with how hot the characters in the Disney Robin Hood cartoon were and never really got over it? The one who said they were googling naked pictures of Lola Bunny from Space Jam as a joke but had a folder that slowed down their computer significantly when you open it?

They’re called furries and they’re everywhere. They’re the main reason this deeply disturbing film didn’t close after like a week, even if there aren’t enough of them to keep it from being a huge bomb.

Yeah, while observing the abject insanity of this story, I hadn’t stopped to think that this film had actual, respected actors in it. Sir Ian McKellen, Dame Judi Dench and Idris Elba were it, not just the fat guy from Gavin and Stacey. Someone spent hours of their life adding and removing a digital cat anus from a Commander and a Dame Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire. This lends a lot of credence to theory that all of this is a simulation and the goal is to see how much absolute bullshit someone will believe is actually happening before they say “fuck this” and hop on a rocket to Mars.

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toiletblocker
toiletblocker
2 months ago

I assure you, furries hated this film. A furry character design has an animal head on a humanoid body, this cats movie doesn’t fit that description.

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