Orlando Bloom Was Basically an Incel Before He Met Katy Perry

Orlando Bloom was always a pretty handsome guy. Not like, Brad Pitt handsome, but handsome. Which makes it amazing that he says he couldn’t get laid for six months until Katy Perry came along.

Here’s what Us Magazine reported the Lord of the Rings Star said.

The Pirates of the Caribbean star — who said earlier in the interview that he believes “porn is super disruptive to your sex life, to your libido” — admitted he “didn’t even” masturbate during the six-month period.

“Completely nothing. It was insane,” he said. “I don’t think it’s healthy. I don’t think it was advisable. You have to keep it moving down there.”

That’s crazy, even Orlando Bloom didn’t want to f**k Orlando Bloom. Dude was probably on the Internet posting about how women only want to f**k Chads like Leonardo DiCaprio.

Okay, so Orlando wasn’t actually an incel, he was taking a little sex break to get his head straight and because it was becoming harder to find a model half his age who hadn’t already dated Ben Affleck.

“[I] wasn’t happy. [My friend] Laird [Hamilton] said, ‘If you want to be serious about a relationship, go celibate for a few months and figure it out,’” the actor, 43, told The Sunday Times in a profile published on Sunday, March 15. “It takes away the idea of going to a party and thinking, ‘Who am I going to meet?’ I was suddenly like, ‘Oh, I can have a relationship with a woman that is just friends.’”

Orlando Bloom is 43 and just learning you can talk to women for reasons other than wanting to sleep with them.

But things worked out when he met Katy Perry.

“She’s very surprising,” he told The Sunday Times. “She’s witty and smart and intelligent. She’s charismatic, but she’s direct too, and this dynamic was intriguing to me.”

Witty, smart and intelligent are all the same thing. Interesting to know who in this relationship is the sex idiot.