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Florida Congressional Candidate Finally Addresses the Greatest Threat to Our Great Nation: Dragon Ball Z

There is a lot of serious stuff going on in the country right now. The protests sparked by the murder of George Floyd are still going on, the government pushback against the protests is bordering fascism, our response to COVID-19 is the worst in the entire world and it’s not getting any better and because of that the economy is on the brink of catastrophe.

But an independent candidate for Congress in Florida is talking the issues that really matter to people in the year 2020: Dragon Ball Z being bad.

Now, Dragon Ball did have its fair share of dirty jokes, especially early on. The most graphic it ever got, though, was the time you saw Bulma’s butt when she flashed Muten Roshi because she didn’t know Goku had taken her panties off because he thought something was wrong with her balls. It started as a comedy, okay?

It also started in 1984. Yeah, when Dragon Ball Z debuted on Cartoon Network in 1998, the episodes they showed were ten years old and from the second half of the overall series.

Also, what the hell is the “internet matrix?” How can someone this clueless even get on Twitter?

It gets better though. This same guy claimed earlier this month that Beyoncé is actually Italian and just pretending to be Black. That is just top-shelf bizarre behavior. I want to take it, throw it in a pot with some garlic and onion, reduce it by half and serve it over rigatoni because it’s so rich and thick.

Miller also said BTS were part of some nebulous conspiracy involving Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and that BTS stood for “Big Time Socialists.” It actually stands for Bangtan Sonyeondan because they’re fucking Korean and don’t give a s**t about American politics any more than Miley Cyrus cares about South Korean politics.

The right’s obsession with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is really out of hand. It’s basically a bunch of people who don’t want to admit to themselves that they want to have sex with her so they act like she’s the antichrist. I, on the other hand, being the enlightened and mature person I am, have come to terms with wanting to have sex with that Kent State gun girl and am able to disagree with every word she says without turning it into some weird psychosexual melodrama.

This guy was also a director at Enron. This is like the gift that keeps on giving. I thought Kanye West was going to be the dumbest political campaign of this election season but I was very wrong. This guy makes Kanye West look like… well, still not anyone good, but someone better than Kanye West. Maybe George W Bush before the media campaign to rehabilitate his image and make everyone forget the entire world thought he was functionally retarded for eight years.

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