Kanye West’s Presidential Platform is Absolutely Insane, Still Probably Better Than Trump or Biden

Good lord. I knew Kanye West was crazy, but I thought it was in the way all celebrities are a little crazy, like Gwyneth Paltrow. But I’m starting to think Kanye is fully Howard Hughes crazy after seeing his platform for his presidential run in Forbes.

Just for starters, Kanye’s only advisor, other than his wife, is Elon Musk. This means that Kanye’s first priority when he’s inaugurated will be to get men on Mars so Elon Musk can declare himself the Slave King of Mars.

Listen to Kanye’s plan to turn America into Wakanda.

“A lot of Africans do not like the movie [Black Panther] and representation of themselves in…Wakanda. But I’m gonna use the framework of Wakandaright now because it’s the best explanation of what our design group is going to feel like in the White House…That is a positive idea: you got Kanye West, one of the most powerful humans—I’m not saying the most because you got a lot of alien level superpowers and it’s only collectively that we can set it free. Let’s get back to Wakanda… like in the movie in Wakanda when the king went to visit that lead scientist to have the shoes wrap around her shoes. Just the amount of innovation that can happen, the amount of innovation in medicine—like big pharma—we are going to work, innovate, together. This is not going to be some Nipsey Hussle being murdered, they’re doing a documentary, we have so many soldiers that die for our freedom, our freedom of information, that there is a cure for AIDS out there, there is going to be a mix of big pharma and holistic.”

Does Kanye even know what he’s talking about? For starters, the point of Black Panther is that Black liberation is bad and the right thing to do is uphold the neoliberal status quo.

But second, Kanye called himself “one of the most powerful human beings.” The dude wrote some good songs and designed some horrendously ugly shoes that people pretend to like because they were designed by a rapper.

He also wants everyone to stink.

“Clean up the chemicals. In our deodorant, in our toothpaste, there are chemicals that affect our ability to be of service to God.”

You ever try one of those “all natural” deodorants hippies use? There’s a reason they use patchouli oil, a thing that a toy I had as a kid used to imitate the way a skunk smells, to mask their scent.

I’d like to tell you how Kanye being president would be crazy, goofy funhouse mirror land, but the reality is Kanye West is just an incompetent, uninformed Christian conservative. Here’s how he said he plans to cure the Coronavirus.

“We pray. We pray for the freedom. It’s all about God. We need to stop doing things that make God mad.”

Yeah, that doesn’t sound like Wakanda anymore, does it? The most powerful human who was going to cure AIDS sounds a lot more like Pat Robertson.

Oh, and he’s also against vaccines, calling the “the mark of the beast.” Unlike most Republicans and Christian conservatives, though, he’s actually consistent on the “pro-life” thing, opposing not only abortion but also the death penalty, which is refreshing.

The worst part about Kanye West being president, though, would be that things wouldn’t actually be any worse with him in charge as opposed to Trump or Biden. We’ve seen what we need to do to stop the spread of the coronavirus, and it’s not making gay marriage illegal again, it’s closing everything, having the government take care of their people with food, money and healthcare, something neither Trump nor Biden nor anyone in either party other than Bernie Sanders and a few like-minded congresspeople and senators have been willing to even propose we do.

So what would a Kanye a West presidency look like? Probably a lot like a Rick Perry presidency but dumber and more self-absorbed. People would smell worse and die of preventable illnesses and wear uglier shoes but otherwise, it wouldn’t be much different from what we have now.