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Tonawanda, New York Residents Want Police to be Able to Accept ‘Sexual Gratuities’ on Their Lunch Break

Police reform is a big issue right now with activists advocating for police forces across the country to be reduced in size and have much of their authority stripped from them and given to other agencies that are better equipped to handle issues like domestic disputes or drug addiction. People also generally think that giving police all that military surplus gear since September 11 was probably a bad idea.

Tonawanda, New York, however, has a much more interesting idea for how to reform the police, according to The Buffalo Chronicle: let them f**k civilians while they’re at work.

Following tawdry rumors over a sexual misconduct allegation against a popular career police officer, Brett Rider, 46, several Town of Tonawanda residents are pushing the Town Board to change its policies to allow officers to receive ‘sexual gratuities’ while on duty.

There is generally a good reason why police are not allowed to have sex with civilians while they’re on duty: it definitely needs to be illegal for cops to use their authority to extort sex. That is a real issue, not like those tweets you see where someone who has never touched a boob says “ugh, it’s so gross when a 25-year-old dates a 24-year-old, that’s basically pedophilia.” Police abusing their authority to get sex is a serious problem when it’s done outside of porn.

The policy would not allow officers to request sexual gratuities under any circumstance, but in the event that such a non-monetary gratuity is offered, the officer would not be punished for accepting it, so long as the encounter is less than 15 minutes and the officer declines to take his next scheduled 15 minute break.

“Dispatch this patrol car 27, going on my union-mandated f**k break, over.”

“In this political environment, with all the horrible things being said about our police officers in the national media, this policy would be a real morale booster,” says Karen, a Tonawanda resident and supporter of the policy change who asked that her last name not be published. She is leading a woman’s group that is lobbying for the new policy, and she is encouraging other supporters of the new policy to join her at Monday’s Town Board Meeting.

“People just keep complaining about our boys in blue shooting unarmed Black men in the back, we should do something to boost morale. How about we suck them off while they’re having lunch?” Who is running this women’s group and is there a group that wants to boost the morale of bloggers?

“Our police officers are total gentlemen. More times than not, they would politely decline any physical gratuities,” she explains. “People should feel comfortable expressing how much they appreciate the police and the work that they do.”

Buy them a card, lady.

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