Gwyneth Paltrow’s Employees had to Actually Smell Her Vagina to Make Vagina-Scented Candle


Do you ever think about how Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina smells?  Yeah, neither do I, at least not voluntarily. But ever since she released a candle designed to smell like her vagina I’ve been forced to think about it, because apparently her vagina smells like “geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar.”

Great, that doesn’t smell anything like a vagina. Never once in my life have I been going down on a woman and stopped to say “oh, is that a hint of citrusy bergamot I detect? And a hint of cedar?”

The candle is not news, though, and I had thought, mercifully, that my days of thinking about Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina had come to an end. But South Africa’s Independent Online reports that Paltrow is really into method candle-making because she made her employees smell her vagina while they were making the candles.

Goop’s chief designer and head of merchandising, Shaun Kearney told Closer magazine: “We all live and breath these products. The Goop office is unlike any workplace in the world. You will find staff sitting at their desk with a bunch of needles in their face or wearing a necklace vibrator while discussing which sex toys gave them the best orgasm that weekend. It’s the most hilariously wonderful and crazy environment.

“For the Goop team, smelling Gwyneth’s vagina became just another days at the office! She’s the ultimate embodiment of the brand, and that means ensuring its authenticity with the products.”

No one is looking for an authentic Gwyneth Paltrow vagina experience. Maybe if Brie Larson was selling these candles but even then I don’t think I’d be onboard.

Honestly, I just hope her employees got hazard pay.

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Paul J McRae
Paul J McRae
3 years ago

Can’t even imagine how that behind the ‘curtains’ convo must have gone…
That smelled like post-chewed truffles with a hint of chinese hot mustard,and a dollop of hot mayonnaise I once found in the pocket of a bum.
What say we go get a massage and then walk into the ocean?