TV From the Future: The Keeping Up With the Kardashians Series Finale Revealed
It’s a little-known fact that we here at The Blemish have a time machine in the office. We ran into Mr. Peabody on the Sunset Strip and times are tough for the former star; he offered to sell us Shermie but we gave him Kevin Spacey’s number and talked him into selling us the Wayback Machine instead. With the news breaking that Keeping Up With the Kardashians is ending, we decided to get it out of the garage and see what surprises are in store for the much-anticipated series finale.
Shocking Reveal: There’s a Fourth Kardashian Sibling
You know all about Kim, Khloe and Rob Kardashian and their half-sisters Kylie and Kendall Jenner, but did you know that there’s a fourth Kardashian? Her name is Kourtney and apparently she’s been on the show all along, it’s just that no one ever noticed her.
Kylie and Kendall’s New Business Opportunity
Kylie and Kendall Jenner return from their trip to Africa in the finale with a big announcement: they’re starting a line of designer kente cloth. They’ve struck a deal where they will buy authentic kente cloth from Ghana and then screen print their faces and logos over the intricate designs created by the original artisans and sell them at a 1000% markup.
Caitlyn Jenner: NASCAR Driver
Caitlyn Jenner is an Olympic hero but the Keeping up With the Kardashians finale revealed that her lifelong dream was to be a NASCAR driver. There were shockingly few casualties considering she took the second lap through the stands; social distancing saves lives, people.
Kim Wakes Up: Kanye West Nightmare Over
The most shocking scene in the finale was when Kim woke up and went to the shower to find it empty: apparently Kanye West was not a real person, just a bad dream Kim was having. It was kind of obvious in retrospect with the way he interrupted Taylor Swift’s VMA acceptance speech and then started his own religion, but it was still an unexpectedly bold move for a TV show not known for taking risks.
A lot of people didn’t like the way Keeping up With the Kardashians ended, and I admit it wasn’t perfect. But when Khloe held up the blue French horn outside Lamar Odom’s apartment… I couldn’t help feeling a little nostalgic for the excellent second season. Of course, after that we found out that the whole series was taking place in autistic kid’s snow globe, and it was ultimately really disappointing the way the very end just cut to black while Kris Jenner was in the middle of a sentence.