Court Agrees With Every Parent, Finds Playing ‘Baby Shark’ To Be Torture

Ahh, ‘Baby Shark’, one of the worst things I’ve ever heard in my entire life. It’s not only not good, but it’s just catchy enough to get stuck in your head even though you’re like “I fucking hate this, make it stop doo doo doo-doo doo-doo.”

That’s where this all started, with PinkFong. That video has twice as many views as ‘Gangnam Style‘, by the way.

If you’re a parent, you probably think having to listen to that song constitutes torture. Turns out that the US justice system agrees with you.

USA Today reports three prison guards were charged with “cruelty to a prisoner and conspiracy“ for forcing inmates to listen to the song.

At least four inmates were subjected to the “inhuman” discipline in an attorney visitation room of the jail last November and December, according to the charge. The inmates were forced to stand the entire time, hands cuffed behind them and secured to the wall, the investigation found.

Charged were Gregory Cornell Butler Jr., 21; Christian Charles Miles, 21; and Christopher Raymond Hendershott, 50.

So it wasn’t just the song, the whole situation was clearly designed to torture inmates, a violation of said inmates’ constitutional rights.

But let’s be honest, there’s a reason they picked this song and not ‘In Bloom’ by Nirvana. It takes a lot of plays for Nirvana to become torture, and even then it comes around again and still rocks. The average person goes insane after listening to ‘Baby Shark’ zero to one time.

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