In Stunning Upset, Kanye West Will NOT be the Next President of the United States

As I’m writing this late Wednesday night, we don’t yet know who won the Presidential election as several key states have not finished counting their votes. This wouldn’t be an issue if we didn’t have an antiquated and frankly insane system for electing the President and instead just elected our leader by popular vote. But I digress.

While we don’t know who has won, we do know who hasn’t won, and that’s Kanye West. Kanye is 43 years old and announced that he cast his first vote ever in his life for himself because he has clearly never been able to see past his own nose.

Some people were very mad that Kanye West got 60,000 votes, but those people are idiots because what, do you think Joe Biden would have won Tennessee if not for Kanye West?

Of course, Kanye also promised to keep the grift alive for another four years.

He’s going to have Kanye 2024 merch any day now. 2024Vision.

I actually respect the people who voted Kanye. There’s a million tweets about how they’re dumb or having a laugh but I think a lot of them are saying “You know what, if the two major parties are going to nominate the two worst candidates in our country’s history, I’m just going to vote for a literal clown. F**k you, you want me to vote for a clown, I’ll show you me voting for a fucking clown.”

I actually think it’s good that Kanye is going to be running for president in every election from now on; it gives a baseline for how angry people are at the Democrats and Republicans both doing nothing to help anyone. “How disgusted am I that the Democrats nominated another milquetoast corporate toady and the Republicans managed to yet again find someone even dumber than their last guy? I’m voting for Kanye West, that’s how disgusted I am.” Jesus wept.

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