ESC

Mike Tyson Used the Old ‘Fake Dong Full of Baby Pee’ Scam to Pass Drug Tests

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We should really stop screening athletes to see if they’re smoking pot. I mean, ideally, we should legalize pot and decriminalize other recreational drugs because drug addiction is a health problem, not a crime and the war on drugs has been a huge waste of money that has only served to highlight the racism present in the criminal justice system. But it’s a really big problem with athletes in particular.

Take, for example, Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson loves to smoke weed. He’s like Tommy Chong if Tommy Chong could kick your ass, which he could not. As a boxer, Tyson had to take regular drug tests which he would fail if there was weed in his system, so he did what anyone in his situation would do and filled a fake dick with baby piss to pass drug tests.

Via Fox News:

“It was awesome, man,” Tyson said, according to MMAmania.com. “I put my baby’s urine in it. And sometimes, one time I was using my wife’s and my wife was like ‘Baby you better not hope that it comes back pregnant or something.’ And I said, ‘Nah, so we ain’t gonna use you any more, we’re gonna use the kid.’”

Now, Mike Tyson says he never took steroids and I have no reason not to believe him. He wouldn’t need to fake a drug test at all if there weren’t rules against athletes using recreational drugs that serve no purpose.

Lance Armstrong eventually got caught doping because he had such a wide-ranging conspiracy to enable him to use performance-enhancing drugs that it couldn’t be maintained and simple solutions like Tyson used wouldn’t work today. Why are we wasting resources busting people for smoking pot, something that provides no edge in competition and doesn’t pose a danger to competing athletes?

Sure, the dick full of baby urine is a funny story, but how many resources have we wasted on pot that go to solving actual problems?

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