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Are People So Hard-Up During Lockdown They’re Actually Getting Horny for COVID Tests?

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People on the internet are into some weird s**t. If you go to any porn site on the internet and click categories you’re bound to find something that will make you want to vomit. For me, it’s that “missionary” tab. I don’t know what it is but it sounds way too kinky for me.

Despite the inherent weirdness of people and their kinks, I never thought I would wake up and the word “nussy” but thanks to Rolling Stone I can’t say that anymore.

Nussy means nose pussy and it’s half-joke, half people being oddly aroused by getting those COVID tests where they put the swab in your nose and up to your brain from the looks of it.

But there’s also a not-insignificant number of people who actually kind of enjoy getting the Covid nasal swab, as I first learned from my friend Dan last summer, when he told me that the more coronavirus tests he got, the more he actively looked forward to getting another one. “I bet if you get it done 10 times you start to crave it,” he texted me. “Like an itch in the back of your throat that only a Covid swab can scratch.”

Absolutely not.

EJ Dickson, the piece’s author, claims other people have told him they also have come to enjoy the COVID tests but that it isn’t a sexual thrill and I’m not sure if that makes it weirder or not.

The piece also details a growing sub-genre of ASMR videos about nasal swabs, and I always thought ASMR videos were kind of porny. Except the Japanese guy who makes knives out of like, toenails and old copies of Shonen Sunday, that’s just awesome. But those videos where the hot girl in the sundress reads the phone book at a low whisper? That is, to quote How I Met Your Mother, a whole bowl full of Porn Flakes.

As for the nasal swab videos, well, here’s my judgement: if an attractive woman is dressed like a nurse and talking in a low, whispery voice, that’s something everyone involved in the production of fully expects you to masturbate to. So why feel guilty about it, you weirdo? Get that nussy.

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