Pollution can Make Your Penis Smaller. I’ll Bet You Care About Global Warming Now

We’re currently experiencing a very serious climate crisis that no one seems to be taking as seriously as we need to, which is disheartening because it is no exaggeration to say the survival of the human race is at stake here. Still, the total extinction of humanity doesn’t seem to be enough to motivate people to change. Maybe when people find out that pollution makes your dick smaller they’ll start to demand action.

TMZ reports that a new book by Dr. Shanna Swan details how phthalates in plastic are actually shrinking the size of the male organ of love as well as lowering sperm counts.

That’s not great news. We’ve just piled islands worth of that stuff up in the ocean. The current projects say that in less than 30 years there will be more plastic in the ocean than fish. The worse news is that Dr. Swan projects we’ll all have tiny, non-functional penises with no sperm well before that happens.

The biggest problem with plastic waste is that recycling it isn’t really cost-efficient, so to solve the problem we need to put those costs on the manufacturers of the plastic, which we’re not doing.

Maybe when congressmen start to notice that their non-functional dicks have retreated back inside their bodies like scared turtles, they’ll do something about the problem. Then again, it probably wouldn’t be much of a change for 90% of them.