Linda Evangelista Reveals Horrible Disfigurement for First Time Ever

Linda Evangelista sat down with PEOPLE for an interview. For the first time ever officially, live, in color, she showed the world how the CoolSculpting fat freezing surgery allegedly disfigured her for life.

I cannot look away.

First, here’s Evangelista six years ago talking about equality for the gay gays.

Then, you may remember this pap photo from a couple years ago.

Now, here’s Evangelista and her disfigured body. Come back after you pick your jaw off the ground and read more.

Horrible isn’t it? What, you were expecting worse? Or better? Methinks she looks fine.

But not Evangelista.

Supposedly, CoolScupting “deformed” Evangelista which is why she sued their parent company Zeltiq Aesthetics Inc. for $50 million in damages. CoolSculpting supposedly freezes your fat and reduces it, but could lead to side effects known as Paradoxical adipose hyperplasia (PAH) which have the opposite effect. Instead of fat freezing, your fat grows uncontrollably on your body where the surgery took place.

Well, she was in her late 40s to early 50s when she got this procedure. Assuming she’s suing for lost future income, I don’t know where she’s coming up with $50 million. What 50 year old model is gonna make $50 million for the rest of her life?

Evangelista can’t deal. I feel that.

“I loved being up on the catwalk. Now I dread running into someone I know…I can’t live like this anymore, in hiding and shame. I just couldn’t live in this pain any longer. I’m willing to finally speak.”

She came out with an extra bulge where she didn’t expect it. That would mess me up too.

“It wasn’t even a little bit better…The bulges are protrusions. And they’re hard. If I walk without a girdle in a dress, I will have chafing to the point of almost bleeding. Because it’s not like soft fat rubbing, it’s like hard fat rubbing.”

On the bright side, she could light a campfire by walking over to the firepit. Let’s see Karlie Kloss do that!

“Why do we feel the need to do these things [to our bodies]? I always knew I would age. And I know that there are things a body goes through. But I just didn’t think I would look like this,” she says of the protrusions, adding that she’s lost her identity. “I don’t recognize myself physically, but I don’t recognize me as a person any longer either. She” —and she means Linda Evangelista, supermodel— “is sort of gone.”

The lesson here is to be happy with your body and getting old or pray you aren’t the few who suffer side effects such as Paradoxical adipose hyperplasia and end up with lumpy, fire starting thighs.

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