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Maybe Chrissy Teigen Should Rethink Sobriety

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Did alcohol make Chrissy Teigen funnier? Teigen celebrated one year of sobriety and I just realized, oh yea, Chrissy Teigen still exists.

She marked the anniversary by posting to Instagram. Teigen says though she misses “feeling loopy and carefree sometimes…it didn’t give that fun feeling anymore anyhow.” Since you have to be popular to be cancelled and we aren’t (hi to the 17 readers out there!), I can say, I miss the old Chrissy Teigen?

Teigen, 36, wrote that she drank to disappear her anxiety, but alcohol made her forget too much. She told a story about drinking too much and falling asleep while an Outback Steakhouse chef taught her and her friends how to make a blooming onion.

not a drop of alcohol in 365 days! I miss feeling loopy and carefree sometimes, but to be honest toward the end, it didn’t give that fun feeling anymore anyhow. I drank to end crazy anxiety that later mostly went away when I – get this – quit drinking! sigh. anyhow I feel really good. sometimes I get really frustrated looking back on days I should remember way better than I do because of alcohol. Like when I drank cafe patron and fell asleep while an Outback Steakhouse chef taught me (my friends) how to make a bloomin onion at my house. I wish I was awake for that. Wish I remembered really any awards show lol. There are pictures from huge moments in life where my eyes just look…gone. Some are from real work shoots, some just beach days with the family. While I honestly STILL don’t know if I’ll never have a drink again, I do know I never want to be that way again. And for now, none is best. I’ll let the bad dreams come up and try to sort them out in therapy, without booze. Prayers for a blooming onion redo, @outback?? ❤️

Congrats, but is this what getting old and having a family is like. I mean, boring. No Twitter hot takes? Now it’s just these tweets, how exciting “sober” Vanity Fair parties are.

Her downfall started with the Courtney Stodden bullying story. Stodden recounted to The Daily Beast how Teigen tweeted vile tweets at her and DM’d how Stodden should kill herself.

In since-deleted tweets, Teigen said she wanted Stodden to take a ‘dirt nap” and also said Stodden had rabies.

After Stodden brought attention to this story, Teigen deleted her profile and wrote a lengthy apology on Medium. She said “I was a troll, full stop. And I am so sorry.” The whole essay was a long read.

Stodden said yea, ok, thanks but stop with your fake apology.

I accept her apology and forgive her. But the truth remains the same, I have never heard from her or her camp in private. In fact, she blocked me on Twitter. All of me wants to believe this is a sincere apology, but it feels like a public attempt to save her partnerships with Target and other brands who are realizing her “wokeness” is a broken record.

Teigen’s apology was too late. Brands canceled her. Bloomingdale’s changed their minds right before signing a contract with her. Macy’s dropped her Cravings by Chrissy Teigen cookware line. Target also declined to continue selling her cookware in stores.

Even Safely, the cleaning company Teigen started with Kris Jenner, didn’t want her there. She had to step away from her own company, that’s rough.

Being canceled forced her to sobriety. She told Today:

“I think you learn so much in the moments where you do lose so much. You lose it all. Your world is kind of turned upside-down.

Teigen also saw a therapist about…something? What, she didn’t say. But it sounds good in an apology, right?

She added:

“I feel like I’ve done the work and I just hope these people can forgive and be able to welcome the fact that hopefully they’ve seen me be better.”

She needed to apologize because Teigen and husband John Legend ran into money issues from Teigen getting canceled. No endorsements, no cookware money, but the bills never stop.

The gossip was that they were cash poor, but still had extravagant tastes. Their money was stuck in property. Legend wanted to immediately downsize, but Teigen thought they should wait it out. This led to constant arguments between them.

Wouldn’t you know it. Last year, they sold a Beverly Hills home for $16.8 million. Then, last month, NY Times reported they sold two penthouses in New York City for $16.75 million.

$30 million should buy Teigen some time.

Teigen, after sobriety and being canceled for bullying, slowly is making her way back. Asking people like a kid on timeout, can I come out now?

She released her third cookbook, Cravings: All Together, late last year.

The book hit #2 on the NY Times Bestseller list. Yet, a source told The Sun, “the numbers so far have been nowhere near her sales for the first two books.”

Teigen restarted her Cravings line direct through her website. Wall Street Journal also says she’s staying busy as an executive producer on HBO Max’s The Way Down, and producing a condiment with the food company Sir Kensington’s.

She’s also got Chrissy’s Court, an unscripted show (“show”…can you call it that?) on Roku. I saw ONE clip. That was enough to realize this is bad. Unfunny.

Yet, Roku renewed it for season 3, which means two whole seasons exist that you didn’t even realize.

She had to give up her career, her homes, her endorsements and product lines, all for comments she made in 2011. She’s forced to apologize here, there, on TV, on blogs and FORCED TO GIVE UP ALCOHOL! The thing that made her funny. Now she’s a boring mom posting kids photos on IG.

We liked her because she’s funny and now you took that away from her.

Her next Instagram should be two middle fingers and a glass of wine.

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