Scarlett Johansson gets her pudding

Yesterday Scarlett Johansson endured the harsh elements to lead a parade of twenty-somethings in drag to receive the Hasty Pudding Theatricals award.

“Everything I ever dreamed of when I was a little girl is happening to me right now,” Johansson joked as two flamboyantly dressed male members of the theatrical troupe kissed her while she rode down Massachusetts Avenue in a Bentley.

Those assholes tainted the cheeks of my vixen. A travesty such as this cannot go unpunished. What right do they have to put their little chapped lips on the only reason to have a penis? JT and Josh Hartnett had a go, but they’re big stars. These everyday Neanderthals have gone too far this time. I have to go to the bathroom and cry.