Alessandra Ambrosio

That perfect supermodel body of yours going to waste? Choose from this seasons hottest bikinis and be content knowing only you, Ms. 5’10” Size 0, can pull this off. What’s that? You don’t have a supermodel body? Shame on you fatty. Aww, don’t cry. If you’re embarrassed about those stretch marks or oozing fat, pick up this candy cane one-piece to draw more attention to yourself.

But what about when you’re out of the water. This translucent green visor thing is the latest in eye wear. Society may shun you, but your corneas will thank you. There’s even apparel for those of you who feel like life isn’t worth living. A nondescript t-shirt can be had for a scant $135. Perfect to go unnoticed as you swim out to the ocean and quietly drown yourself. So, what are you waiting for? Pick up the phone and order today. We promise we won’t stop whipping our underpaid 11-year-old sweatshop worker until he’s finished stitching.

More after the jump.

Alessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra Ambrosio

Alessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra AmbrosioAlessandra Ambrosio