Scarlett Johansson

The eBay auction for a meet and greet with Scarlett Johansson has ended. The winner, bossnour, bid $40,100 for what I assume is a five second handshake and “hello” from Scarlett. That’s $40,099 more than I would have paid, but good for them. I hope his penis is prepared because mine perked up when it heard Scarlett’s name. “No, penis. No. We’re not going to the premiere. I’m talking about someone else. Go back to sleep.”