Alicia Keys

Did you know Tupac and Biggie Smalls were assassinated and the flames of their rivalry were fanned by the government? And that gangsta rap was invented to convince black people to kill each other? Also, that conspiracy theorists are punched in the face for being stupid far more often than sane people? No? Well, Alicia Keys knows. She tells Blender,

That subtly sexy siren who sings family-friendly fare is also an out-and-out conspiracy theorist who wears a gold AK-47 pendant around her neck and believes Tupac and Biggie Smalls were assassinated, their rivalries stoked by “the government and the media to stop another great black leader from existing.”

In this issue’s Blender magazine, Keys proves herself to be more Rev. Wright than Aretha, saying things like gangsta rap was a ploy by the government to “convince black people to kill each other.”

Conspiracy theorists are retarded. None of their “theories” are grounded in reality. When you start explaining to them how these things aren’t possible, they make more stuff up. What’s Alicia going to say next? That the female orgasm exists? Ha! Whatever, dude. I’ve never given a woman one and I’m really good at sex so it’s obviously a myth perpetuated by woman to make men feel inadequate.

Update: Alicia Keys may not be that idiotic. LB in the comments says Alicia called in a radio show to clarify the interview saying that the government didn’t create gangsta rap, but created the term and along with others, sensationalized it.

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