Marilyn Monroe

Everyone young starlet wants to be the next Marilyn Monroe and oddly enough, Paris Hilton has come the closest. The only reason being is that both Paris Hilton and Marilyn Monroe had a sex tape in which they blew a guy. However, unlike Paris Hilton’s tape, Marilyn Monroe’s is still classified by the FBI and was just sold for $1.5 million to a New York businessman despite being only 15 minutes long, black and white and silent. Some may argue Paris Hilton’s tape was pretty silent too, but that’s just because she sucks in bed.

The footage appears to have been shot in the 1950s. When it came to light in the mid-’60s, then-FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover had his agents spend two weeks futilely trying to prove that Monroe’s sex partner was either John F. Kennedy or Robert F. Kennedy, according to declassified agency documents and interviews, Morgan said.

The silent black-and-white flick shows Monroe on her knees in front of a man whose face is just out of the shot.

He never moves into the shot, indicating that he knew the camera was there, but Monroe never looks at the lens, said Morgan, who saw the footage.

Silent porn old-timey porn is too weird. Imagining this is hard. I just see Charlie Chaplin in his hat, swinging a cane around with a pleased look on his face while Marilyn goes down on him. And the footage is moving at twice the normal speed and it’s interspersed with framed screens of text that read “Mmmm!” and “Choke on it, bitch!” Charlie Chaplin was always so angry.