Khloe Kardashian

Khloe Kardashian tells Us Weekly that being released from prison due to overcrowding was just a cover story for what really happened. Bigfoot claims that the actual reason she was released early was because her very presence was enough to cause bomb threats to be phoned in. Three in fact.

“As soon as I got to Lynwood, there were three bomb threats, and so they put me in solitary confinement,” she said on Ryan Seacrest’s KIIS-FM radio show Monday.

“A warden came down to see me and said, ‘You’re the one causing all the problems here … There’s all these bomb threats, and we’re thinking it’s for you.’

“They released me early because I was a threat to the prison,” Kardashian added. “There’s 2,500 inmates in there, and they [had] 2,515 [when I was there]. So they were overcrowded, but [my release was] because of the hysteria.

Three bomb threats? Whatever. Khloe Kardashian wasn’t testifying against the mob. She was sentenced for violating probation. No one even knows who she is. The only way people will ever know she existed is by the “deep dinosaur-like footprints” she left in the sand which will baffle future paleontologists for centuries to come.