The first thing I’d do if I saw this thing wash up on shore is: First, scream in fear. Second, scramble to find a big rock to hit it over the head with. Next, while its dazed and confused, desperately try to drag it back into the ocean all the while ignoring its pleas that it’s not a real mermaid, but Khloe Kardashian. In fact, I might even double my efforts if it told me that.
