kate-beckinsale-esquire

Usually, any kind of “do this or else” threats in a relationship spell instant doom, but if you’re married to Kate Beckinsale, your vision is probably already blurry from seeing her up close and your ears are ringing from the choirs of angels you’re now always hearing, so more than likely you’re probably just going to sit there and take it. Especially when the ultimatum we’re discussing is “I suck at cooking so I won’t do it–now order some pizza and drop your trousers.”

Actress Kate Beckinsale has given her film director husband an ultimatum – the kitchen or the bedroom.

The tasty actress has given up on trying to create tantalising culinary treats because she believes people are divided into two groups – those who are geniuses with a whisk and those who are earth-shattering lovers in the sack, report The Sun.

And Kate has proudly announced she falls firmly into the latter group, which must surely keep her largely takeaway-fed husband Len Wiseman a happy man in the bedroom.

Coincidentally, my lunch today is left-over pizza and warm Gatorade. Also, during my break, I hope to accidentally-on-purpose wander down to the photocopier and work up the nerve to make eye contact with that girl in accounts. Okay, maybe that`s not so much a “coincidence.” More like a “telling indictment of a life built on wasted potential and self-loathing.”