ESC

Being a Celebrity’s Personal Assistant Sounds Fun

An anonymous personal assistant recently wrote about what it was like to work for a known Hollywood actress. Her job was as stressful and unfulfilling as you’d expect. You can read about it all in NY Mag but if you don’t want to do that, I’ve got some highlights for you guys.

– Had her break up with her boyfriend for her because she had started dating someone else.

She said, “Oh, we’re done making a movie together; it’s not really going to work; I’m sort of seeing somebody else. Could you just tell him to back off and leave me alone?” And she said this over the phone, over Christmas. She told me, “Accept the date on my behalf. Take the date. Go instead of me.”

– Would have to watch the news every morning to fill the actress in on what was happening in the world.

– Scour the paper for book reviews and then buy the books for the actress to read maybe a few chapters of before giving it away.

– Was once called to her place for an emergency which turned out to be needing to be driven to her therapist who was really a palm reader.

Once I got called in as an emergency because she said, “I need to see my therapist.” So I had to leave my family and drive over and pick her up, because she was like, “After therapy, I can’t drive.” That’s fine, I get it: So she’s in with the therapist, and I’m sitting there in the car, reading, and I remember seeing the therapist’s name — but she wasn’t a therapist. Oh no. She was a palm reader. She was a palm reader that we got a discount for in the gift bag at an awards show. She was a psychic.

– Inadvertently became a drug mule when the actress stashed drugs in her luggage.

Once when we went to a film festival, I flew out early so I could lay out the clothes she would wear. When she got in, she was like, “Did you get my stuff?” What stuff? “Oh, I put some stuff in your bag.” Oh my God, I went on a fucking plane carrying drugs for you? I could have gotten arrested! You could have at least told me so I knew what I was doing, and put it in the bag that’s not checked! What are you doing to me?

– Found out the actress had certain STDs and took it upon herself to call the actress’ boyfriend to let them know.

I called the ex-boyfriend, and I was like, “Hey, you need to get checked out. I don’t think she’ll ever call you.” And he was like, “Oh, shit. Thanks.” This was seven months after the breakup. That’s just the nice thing to do, to let them know.

– Bumped from a trip to a two week international film festival because the actress wanted to use her seat to fly in a guy she was seeing for a day.

I had planned on going to this international film festival with her, because she told me, “I can’t be without you.” This would be — not my little vacation, because I would be working — but at least an experience, at least to make up for the bad shit. And then at the last moment, she said, “Oh, yeah, I’m not going to take you.”

Pretty much exactly as what you’d expect to be doing working for a big name Hollywood star. Just be glad it wasn’t a guy who asked you to drive his car 50 miles into the desert to bury a rolled up carpet which may seem heavier than it appears.

Naturally, everyone is trying to guess who the star is. According to the comments in NY Mag, the top suspect is Kate Hudson which makes the most sense. She dumped Owen Wilson after a year and then he tried to kill himself, was working a lot at one point and is into that spiritual stuff. Of course, this is all speculation.

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