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Matt Damon and Ben Affleck Cross Swords Regularly

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck recently revealed the winner of Project Greenlight season 4 at a press junket and PEOPLE, naturally, asked Matt if he’d seen Ben’s dick in Gone Girl. Thank you, PEOPLE, for asking the important questions.

Normally when we pee together we go at the same time because, you know, well, women do that. Ok? So now with our wives like they’ll go to the bathroom together and we’re like ‘well we should go to the bathroom too.’ And we go and normally there’s just one toilet so we just whip ’em out and we cross swords kind of like you do when you’re little kids. And I always look at Ben and I go ‘man, that’s something. Fantastic. Good for you.’

This sounds about right. Usually when I’m at a urinal and a guy is peeing next to me, I like to assert my dominance by initiating a sword fight. Most of the time shouting, “En garde!,” the universally recognized phrase for beginning cock combat. It’s not just about size. It’s also about speed and agility. Compliments are only given in defeat.

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