Woman Sues Nephew For Being Happy to See Her

Jennifer Connell, a 54-year-old human resources manager from Manhattan, is suing her 12-year-old nephew, Sean Tarala, for a hug he gave her at his 8th birthday party. She’s asking for $127,000 because “I was at a party recently, and it was difficult to hold my hors d’oeuvre plate.” Sorry? Use your other hand?

Connell, maybe the worst aunt in the world, said that she hid her injury from him at the time because she didn’t want to ruin his birthday party. Since the injury though, she’s apparently had difficulties living in Manhattan. Somehow living in a third floor walk up is more difficult when you broke your wrist in 2011. Does she crawl upstairs usually? “We all know how crowded it is in Manhattan,” Connell said, and I would love to hear how an injury from four years ago is related to living a highly populated area.

The lawsuit states,

“The injuries, losses and harms to the plaintiff were caused by the negligence and carelessness of the minor defendant in that a reasonable eight years old under those circumstances would know or should have known that a forceful greeting such as the one delivered by the defendant to the plaintiff could cause the harms and losses suffered by the plaintiff.”

Every Thanksgiving my family names the turkey after the person who made a family member’s year the most difficult. It’s a wonderful tradition – insensitive doctors, clueless boys, and George W. Bush are among past turkeys. It seems likely to me that the Tarala family will be naming their turkey Auntie Jen for maybe the rest of their lives.

This is such an annoying thing to do, Connell. Luckily, the judge agrees and Connell walked away with $0 and I’m sure Sean will never be happy to see her again.

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