ESC

I Would Rather Be Violently Murdered Than Watch ‘TMNT: Out Of The Shadows’

Looks like Michael Bay is sinking his claws into another movie so terrible that not even excessive explosions will be able to cover up it’s stench.

Yay.   

This looks dumb, it looks played out, it looks mind-numbingly unoriginal. We all know Megan Fox is hot. We all know that Michael Bay likes explosions. We all know that TMNT is a pre-existing franchise a bunch of dudes up top have decided they can cash in on, even though these films continue to tank. No one liked last fall’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles flick. I’m a film snob, so you already know I hated it, but honestly, you’d be hard pressed to find anybody who liked it.

What’s trying to be humor in this trailer isn’t even funny. Using 9o’s slang both ironically and unironically just isn’t funny. Pretending that mohawks aren’t in when every hipster fuck has some kind of half-pastel half-shaved thing happening just doesn’t work. This trailer is going for some Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater ‘Woah! Tubular!’ thing in such a way that it makes me glad the 90’s are over.

Also the animated turtles look like McDonald’s Happy Meal toys that got left out in the sun and melted trying to get revenge on the kid that forgot them.

#StopMichaelBay2k4Eva

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