Billy Corgan Knows Real Americans and Who Likes and Doesn’t Like Whores

Billy Corgan, the frighteningly pale, bald lead singer of Smashing Pumpkins, is here to speak for the real Americans!

The man who once sang the words, “despite all my rage, I’m still just a rat in a cage,” now thinks the cage is liberals and Donald Trump is here to let all the rats free.

Billy’s filming a new series, 30 Days, which features him on “a trip to see if the American culture that I recognized as being a part of was still there.” If he’s looking for a world where anyone cares about the Smashing Pumpkins anymore, that very well might be gone.

As he embarks on this journey to connect with his alternative music superstar roots, Billy calls into the Mancow Morning Show to give periodic updates. This week, he wanted to share his thoughts about America and the latest Trump scandal.

Once again, Billy reiterates that the media doesn’t understand Americans. Certainly not as well as the multimillion-dollar singer of moody, emo tunes does. Plus, he finds the accusations of Trump paying hookers to pee to be outrageous and just another example of fake news. “I hate to make the most obvious point: If you’ve got 10 billion dollars, you’re not hiring hookers.” How true! Who’s ever heard of a rich person hiring hookers except for Hugh Grant, Tiger Woods, Eddie Murphy, allegedly David Beckham, Lamar Odam, 17 members of the Minnesota Vikings, former Italian Prime Minster Silvio Berlusconi, and billionaire financial manager Jeffrey Epstein?

We all can’t be as idealistically American as Billy Corgan, the mind behind such patriotic albums as Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. If only we could all be in touch with the average American as a man who headlined at Lollapalooza and is now president of his own pro wrestling league.

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