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Spoilers Revealed for ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’ Trailer

People are so fucking excited about Star Wars: The Last Jedi, they’re dying to know spoilers for what the first trailer will show. So, if you really live your life based on Star Wars news, here’s some rumors about what might be in the first trailer. Again, not fascinating info about what the film will be, just what could be included in the 2 minute clip.

The trailer may start with Finn waking up and Poe Dameron saying “They’re here.”Then, a figure in black, which could be Benicio Del Toro, opens fire on a “procession of mourners,” while Poe, Finn, a new character who’s played by Kelly Marie Tran, and BB-8 all stand around looking surprised. Captain Phasma is there and Snoke is revealed, with no CGI, with General Hux. So, I guess Snoke was just using a big ass hologram, Wizard of Oz style in the last film, but he’s really just a guy? I don’t know.

Later Finn bursts in and tells General Leia “They’re back.” Sadly, it’s not poltergeists. Leia replies “I felt it.”

So, there you go. The trailer will have BB-8, a bunch of cryptic shit and maybe an appearance that clarifies what the fuck Snoke is. Sorry for my lack of enthusiasm but breaking down trailer rumors seems slightly extreme, but I know these movies are very important to people, so if this new excites you, great! Happy Valentine’s Day!