ESC

Whoever Alex Baldwin Is, He Really Pissed Off Our Barely-Literate President

I remember when George Bush was president and I thought “Man, at least we’ll never have a president this dumb again.” Then we elected his idiot son and for some reason decided we hadn’t gone dumb enough, so eight years later we elected Donald Trump. It says a lot about just how clueless Donald Trump is that I often find myself going “Can we have the guy who killed all those innocent people with flying murder robots back? No? How about the ‘fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again’ guy? Hell, I’ll even settle for the southern rapist at this point.”

So what did Trump do? He decided that the most important thing to do was tweet about how much he hates Alex Baldwin’s impersonation of him on SNL while taking a shit. He was probably pissed off having to sit on a regular, porcelain, non-golden toilet to begin with, and then that Alex Baldwin guy just got in his head yelling about how Fanta is for finishers in that Gilbert Grape movie.

Man, look at that. How does his phone not pick up on “dieing”? This guy is the President of the United States and I don’t understand how he managed to be on reality TV. He deleted that tweet and reposted a corrected version, but it’s not like that’s going to save him from embarrassment.

I got news for you, Donnie, Darrell Hammond probably thinks you’re a dick, too.

Alec Baldwin’s brother Billy chimed in, mentioning that Alec won an Emmy for his portrayal of Trump, an award Trump never managed when he was the host of The Apprentice. That has got to sting.

Alec Baldwin, on his Alec Baldwin Foundation twitter account, also mentioned the tweets, adding another layer of burn to the impression that’s clearly under Trump’s skin.

This whole president thing has got to suck for Melania. No wonder she broke down crying when he actually won. Fucking a fat old guy a few times a month was a small price to pay when the reward was high-society and rubbing elbows with celebrities. Now Trump has alienated all of New York’s celebrities and Melania is stuck living in Washington, D.C., where the closest thing to a celebrity is James Carville.

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