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Somebody Needs To Start A Support Group For Jason Aldean’s Kids

I cannot fucking believe that I’m talking about dumbass celebrity kid names this soon. Last week, I discussed how Rick Ross made the unfortunate choice to name his newborn son “Billion.” Now, Jason Aldean can join the honorary club for “Celebrities Who Abuse Their Kids With Horrendous Names.” Actually, given the fact that he named his now eleven-month-old son Memphis, he’s probably been a card-carrying member for a while now.

Aldean and his wife, Brittany Aldean, announced that they were expecting for the second time in July. They only just revealed that they are having a baby girl. Her name will be Navy Rome. I swear to God, I have not been autocorrected. This is the Aldeans’ naming plan. This is what they intend to name their child. Navy. Fucking. Rome.

Here’s what Jason Aldean had to say about his and his wife’s name choice.

“Roman was one of the names [wife Brittany Aldean] liked for Memphis and I wasn’t into it. And so she had the name Navy for this go around and I thought that was cool.”

Really? Naming your kid after a color is cool? And not even a phonetically pleasant sounding one? Why not Mauve, instead? Or how about Puce? Jason, are you sure your wife wasn’t just having a bad case of pregnancy brain when she came up with this name?

And it continues:

“My name was so common growing up,” he added. “There was always five Jasons in my class which I thought was so annoying … so I just wanted them to have names that weren’t like super weird but they were like just different enough.”

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A post shared by Brittany Aldean (@brittanyaldean) on

So, you claimed that you didn’t want to name your kids something “super weird” and you decide to call them “Memphis” and “Navy.” I’m sorry, dude. You have failed in this effort. Would it be so difficult to simply google the most common current baby names, and then NOT call your kid by any of them?

Jesus, I predict that at some point in the future, all these celebrity kids are going to end up in group therapy. And the one thing they all assuredly will have in common is the that their moronic parents wanted to feel “special” and “different” by giving their children atrocious names. Pray for these kids, folks. They’re off to a rough start in life.

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