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Anne Hathaway Is Going to Scare the Absolute Crap Out of Your Kids

So, the beautiful Anne Hathaway is planning to take on a very different upcoming movie role. A role that will almost certainly scare the absolute living shit out of a whole new generation of children.

If you’re a 90s kid, you might remember The Witches. And if you know this movie, you’ll remember that Anjelica Huston starred in this film as the “Grand High Witch.” And you’ll also remember that Anjelica didn’t always look like her usual peerless self for the role. She looked more like this:

Yep, this is the role that sweet Anne Hathaway will be playing in an upcoming remake which is to be directed by Robert Zemeckis. And if the 90s could come up with something as grotesque as this, I can’t even imagine what today’s movie magic is going to come up with.

The Witches movie was based on the children’s book by Roald Dahl. Roald Dahl was a little gentler and more subtle when it came to brutality in his other beloved children’s novels such as Matilda and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But Jesus Christ, when he wrote The Witches, he just went all fucking out. This entire book was all about blatant (albeit, supernatural) child killings at the hands of evil witches. In the story, the titular witches (who have an unexplained but very intense hatred of children) plan to turn all the children in the world into mice so that their parents will straight up murder them.

I read the book when I was a kid, and it was absolutely terrifying. I spent several sleepless nights hiding out in the bathroom so I could have a light on (I got yelled at for having lights on in my room; the bathroom was the neutral zone). I saw the movie a few years later (because apparently, I’m a glutton for punishment), and yeah, I think I slept for roughly two hours that night.

So, just one more look at what Anne Hathaway has in store for your kids, parents!

Good night, everyone, and enjoy your nightmares tonight! I, for one, will be sleeping with my ax within arms reach.

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