Donald Trump Invites Joshua Trump to the State of the Union Address, Ruining His Chances of a Normal Existence

It can’t be said that Donald Trump doesn’t try to be charitable once in a while. As long as it benefits him personally in some way, of course.

In December, there was a story about an 11-year-old boy named Joshua who was being bullied by his classmates because he sadly carries the highly unfortunate last name of Trump (no relation). According to Joshua’s parents, the bullying became so awful that they had to pull their son out of the school system and homeschool him.

Let me say right now that it is entirely inexcusable to bully and torment a child for no reason just because he happens to be in possession of the same last name as a carrot-colored man-child who currently sits in the Oval Office. It’s not his fault that he has the misfortune of carrying this surname; the blame lies with the giant loud-mouthed tangerine who brings disgrace to the name on a daily basis.

To extend his condolences, Donald Trump extended an invitation to young Joshua Trump to be his guest at his State of the Union speech, and therefore, sealing Joshua’s fate of ever being able to attend school again. I don’t know why anyone thought it an 11-year-old would have any interest in listening to a lengthy political speech given by a vulgar, long-winded orangutan, but Joshua did indeed attend.

I was concerned about Joshua’s fate before, but now I think he’s actually going to be all right. Why? Because Joshua reacted to a Donald Trump State of the Union address the way any 11-year-old (heck, any living, breathing human being) would. He fell asleep. Don’t worry, kid, you’re going to be a-okay.