The title makes me sound like a terrible person but hear me out. My wife and I were joking about our celebrity crushes and “hall pass” celebrities. Mine was Beyoncé, who I’m obviously never going to meet, hers was Jason Mantzoukas. I was like, that’s weird I would expect a Hemsworth or something but okay! Then she was like, yeah we went to the same college (Middlebury) but ten years apart. She said that whenever events open up again she might go to a reunion event to meet Jason Mantzoukas.

I couldn’t tell if she was kidding and this was starting to feel a little too “real.” I created a fake Middlebury alum email address and emailed her about a new program for Middlebury alums to mentor each other. I told her she was assigned to Jason Mantzoukas. She was thrilled and so I’ve been exchanging emails with her from Jason Mantzoukas. I was incredibly sad to see that it got flirtatious fast.

My wife isn’t really very sexually active with me, so lust got the better of me. I’ve been sending her headless nudes of some hairy looking guy I found on google and she’s been sending nudes back. So she’s kind of having an affair.

I know this sounds insane but I kind of want to go with it as this is the most sexual I’ve been with my wife in a while. It’s a bit soul crushing though because I am pretending to be Jason Mantzoukas.

Is it absolutely necessary I fess up? As weird as it is, how long could I continue with this?