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Hunter Biden’s Sex Tape Featured Two Women and a Pokémon

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To a lot of people who grew up in the 90s, Pokémon was a huge part of their lives. In the West, that meant Pokémon Red and Pokémon Blue on the original Game Boy, and the first thing you did in those games was chosen your first Pokémon: Bulbasaur, Charmander or Squirtle.

Those Pokémon and this choice have become iconic. Having babies pick their first Pokémon has become a bit of thing parents who grew up with the games will do, as well.

Pokémon was supposed to be a fad and it became the most popular and profitable thing in the history of the world, except maybe religion.

But now Squirtle, our adorable little turtle man, has been sullied by the President’s failson. And while it’s a refreshing change of pace to have a president who only has one embarrassingly stupid child, Hunter Biden made his sex tape incredibly famous entirely because he made Squirtle watch.

No one really cares that Hunter Biden made a sex tape, after sleeping with his brother’s widow a threesome with a couple of hookers seems relatively wholesome. All anyone wants to talk about is why Squirtle was in it.

Okay, Koffing is clearly the best Pokémon but Squirtle is a close second. He deserves better than this. At least turn him around before you do the nasty with hookers.

You don’t have to turn Koffing around, though. Koffing likes to watch, he’s a freak. That’s what makes him the very best, like no one ever was.

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