Mel Gibson's Apocalypto

Congratulations Mel, I didn’t think anyone could pull it off, but you finally did it. You have proved to everyone that Tom Cruise isn’t the only one that can alienate a nation and scare away Hollywood. On Friday, TMZ reported that Mel Gibson was arrested for drunk driving. It wasn’t that interesting of a story, but then there was the fact that Mel Gibson wasn’t just casually drunk, he was shit-faced. He purportedly started swearing uncontrollably and unleashed a string of anti-Semitic comments along with other phrases that should make some quote books. Here’s a taste of what was said:

The report says Gibson then launched into a barrage of anti-Semitic statements: “Fucking Jews… The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.” Gibson then asked the deputy, “Are you a Jew?”

Then he said the deputy was fucked and that he would fuck him. After that, he proved why he’s a fun drunk.

A law enforcement source says Gibson then noticed another female sergeant and yelled, “What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?”

Calling a female officer “sugar tits” is exactly what you should do when you’re being arrested for DUI. It’s a fact. Don’t worry, nothing bad will happen. They like this, honest. While Gibson was in his jail cell, he made like he was going to pee on the floor before the deputy was forced to take him to the bathroom and then he beat up a telephone. If that wasn’t enough, someone discovered that the Malibu police tried to cover up what actually happened by making their report less colorful. Over the weekend, Gibson issued an apology.

“After drinking alcohol on Thursday night, I did a number of things that were very wrong and for which I am ashamed. I drove a car when I should not have, and was stopped by the LA County Sheriffs. The arresting officer was just doing his job and I feel fortunate that I was apprehended before I caused injury to any other person. I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested, and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. I am deeply ashamed of everything I said. Also, I take this opportunity to apologize to the deputies involved for my belligerent behavior. They have always been there for me in my community and indeed probably saved me from myself. I disgraced myself and my family with my behavior and for that I am truly sorry. I have battled with the disease of alcoholism for all of my adult life and profoundly regret my horrific relapse. I apologize for any behavior unbecoming of me in my inebriated state and have already taken necessary steps to ensure my return to health.”

So, what have we learned? If there’s one thing you need to do in life, it’s to hang out with Mel Gibson, get him drunk and let him loose.

Update: Mel Gibson checked into an unamed rehab where they will train him in the ways of not shouting inflammatory comments when drunk.

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