David Copperfield

David Copperfield is claiming he found The Fountain of Youth amid the cluster of tiny islands he bought in the Bahamas. How convenient that the famed fountain just so happens to appear on his property he bought for $50 million.

“I’ve discovered a true phenomenon,” he told Reuters in a telephone interview. “You can take dead leaves, they come in contact with the water, they become full of life again. … Bugs or insects that are near death, come in contact with the water, they’ll fly away. It’s an amazing thing, very, very exciting.”

Yea, we get it David. You’re the master illusionist and you can bang any supermodel you want. Is it really necessary to tell people you also hold the key to eternal life? People already think you’re cool or Satan. All you got to do now is not drown yourself in a giant fish bowl like another magician who’s first name is David and everything will be gravy.