Jennifer Lopez Marc Anthony

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have denied any affiliation with Scientology, but according to Fox News they are now more into it than ever.

My sources tell me that as recently as December, Lopez and Anthony were taking professional business meetings at Scientology’s Celebrity Center in Hollywood.

Anthony is said to have taken the “purification” course, a hopped-up sauna that supposedly “cures” all ills. Lopez may have invested in the IRS-sanctioned religion thanks to infertility issues and difficulties in the couple’s marriage.

The biggest reason for joining seems to be the infertility. That’s such an easy one to solve and I’m not even a scientist. Research has shown it is impossible to mate a rat with a human. The chromosomes of sperm and egg just won’t match no matter how much duct tape you use. God, why do they even want a rodent baby anyway? Call me close minded, but I wouldn’t want my kid going to school with a rat-child. Imagine how annoying it would be having to hear, “Do you have any cheeeeese?” every 10 minutes or listening to the sound of them constantly gnawing their desk.