Timberlake Biel

Justin Timberlake has finally gone public with his love for future NFL linebacker Jessica Biel. After Justin found out Jessica had some free time, he flew her to Manchester for a dinner date where they made out.

“Justin’s really into Jess and when he found out she had some free time he asked her to join him on the UK leg of his tour. They’re both doing everything they can to keep their relationship low-profile but when they’re among friends they can hardly keep their hands off each other.”

I’d be scared dating Jessica Biel. She models her body after the Incredible Hulk. I hear she can rip a telephone book in half and crack walnuts with her butt cheeks. And if you ever make her mad she’ll smash your face in. You can’t go to the police either because they’ll just laugh at you and by the time they do something about it her vagina will have broken your penis in three different places. At least that’s what my fortune cookie said.