Naomi Campbell

Naomi Campbell is retarded. She blames an allergic reaction to alcohol for all her recent problems.

“I choose not to drink today in my life because I find that I’m allergic to alcohol. I’m not someone that’s in denial of my problems and I’m not going to lie about my problems and I’m not hiding my problems. I have more energy and I have more fun than when I was drinking and I can hang out really late and get up early in the morning with no hangovers and still smile.”

This doesn’t make any sense at all. An allergy doesn’t cause hangovers. An allergy causes anaphylactic shock or death. I would know. I play doctor with my neighbor. Correction. Played. We stopped because she said I was taking it too seriously. Listen woman. Death is serious and if I’m going to save your life, you’re gonna have to stay still so I can jab this BIC pen through your throat.