Angelina Jolie

On Wednesday, Angelina Jolie promoted her movie A Mighty Heart, a story about freedom of press, while attempting to censor the actual press. All journalists were required to sign a contract before talking to her on the red carpet. Ironically, the premiere was meant to support the organization Reporters Without Borders.

Reporters were asked to agree to “not ask Ms. Jolie any questions regarding her personal relationships. In the event Interviewer does ask Ms. Jolie any questions regarding her personal relationships, Ms. Jolie will have the right to immediately terminate the interview and leave.”

The agreement also required that “the interview may only be used to promote the Picture. In no event may Interviewer or Media Outlet be entitled to run all or any portion of the interview in connection with any other story. … The interview will not be used in a manner that is disparaging, demeaning, or derogatory to Ms. Jolie.”

If that wasn’t enough, Jolie also requires that if any of these things happen, “the tape of the interview will not be released to Interviewer.” Such a violation, the signatory thus agrees, would “cause Jolie irreparable harm” and make it possible for her to sue the interviewer and seek a restraining order.

USA Today and the Associated Press refused to sign and canceled their interviews. The ensuing backlash caused Angelina to deny all print interviews.

But, wait. There’s more. Jolie instructed Paramount publicists to ban FOX News Channel and all FOX News affiliates from covering the premiere. Realizing Angelina had indeed gone insane, staff at Paramount intervened and allowed FNC cameras at the event.

Um, so Angelina Jolie is a hypocrite, but she’s a sexy hypocrite. For the past few years, I haven’t actually listened to a word she’s said. I’ve mostly been staring at her ass and imagining her in a threesome with Jessica Alba and drawing little hearts with her name in it on my Trapper Keeper. If you asked me what issues Angelina cared about, I’d tell you she was mad that a little leprechaun keeps tearing up her flowers and peeing in her shoes.

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