Diddy was paid to host a party at the Whitehouse in Hampton Bays Tuesday night. He arrived a little late and stayed only an hour, but made sure not to interact with anyone and that he was paid for his services. He also left with what some describe as “two hot bitches.” I may have exercised some creative freedom with that one.

No wonder his stay was brief: The only other semi-celeb in the house was Samantha Cole. “He hid behind security in the VIP room drinking Champagne,” notes one guest. The Kim Porter -free mogul did find two “amazingly attractive” girls in “teeny black dresses,” who were hustled into his caravan of three SUVs just before it sped off.

Rich, powerful, ugly and a mouth breather? No problem. If you’re Diddy, you can abduct women into your SUV and coerce them into having sex with you. $100 bills work real well. So does a knife.