Angelina Jolie

Celebrity chef, Jamie Oliver, phoned Angelina Jolie to congratulate her on her film Beowulf and in the process, mangled her daughter’s name when he asked how she was doing. Instead of calling her Shiloh Pitt, Jamie called her Piloh Shit. I’m pretty sure Angelina was pissed, but he apologized by sending a dessert mixed with her favorite cereal, Cheerios.

An insider said: “It was just a slip of the tongue. But it did sound like he was dissing her first-born.”

If you want to see Angelina Jolie naked, it’s best not to call her daughter a pile of shit. That’s something I picked up in charm school. You guys can thank me later. Also, don’t squeeze her breasts and make honking noises. Apparently, her security guards have no sense of humor and are pretty trigger happy with their tasers. That piece of advice comes straight from my electrically charged balls.

Note: There’ll be very little updates today because I have a sexy date with half of a turkey.