Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez hopes to give birth to her twins on Thursday, February 14. To all you lonely, desperate people, that’s not just another day of TV dinners and new episodes of Lost, it’s Valentine’s day. Also known as the day you curse God for making you look like an Elephant man and the day I curse God for giving me the wang the size of a horse. It’s really terrible for your posture. What that has to do with V-Day I’ll never know. Anyway, Jennifer isn’t doing this so she can tell strangers, “Hey my kids were born on Valentine’s day which makes them ten times cuter than your kids. Plus, their twins! Winner: Me.” She’s doing this to be able to whore out her babies before the deadlines for magazines.

She didn’t just like it because of the obvious correlation, which is sweet, but she also was happy that it … would easily make the deadline for the weekly magazine covers.”

The source said that Lopez would love it if she was able to have the first photo shoot take place in one of the three nurseries she’s had designed by Petit Tresor. “She spent over $120,000 on them (the nurseries),” said the source.

I’d love to have been able to sell my babies’ pictures to magazines. Alas, all I got was a new apartment, a new identity and this itchy fake mustache.